Confessions of a Viking Madwoman
by SoBo113
Summary: Rosie's POV from 'Luuurve is a many trousered thing...' My first Fanfic, so hopefully everything goes well :P. authors note up, that can't be good news...
1. My Dear Hunky

**Confessions of a Viking Madwoman**

**Chapter one – My Dear Hunky**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything written here but the plot**

**Howdy guys**

**This is my first fanfic, which I started writing because my dearest chummly wummly MissGeorgee wrote her first story the other day and inspired me.**

**Yes, she's just that awesome.**

**Please give me your opinions and suggestions.**

**I luuuuuuurve you all (but not in a lezzie way).**

**SoBo**

**Saturday July 16th**

**11:35 pm**

Just walked outside the club to see Georgia running down the street with her big bottom wiggling behind her. Sven came out and picked me up. He walked over to were Robbie was standing and tried to do this sort of 3-way snogging fandango with Robbie and I, luckily Robbie ran away before Sven could succeed.

**2 minutes later**

Sven just threw me into a bush and dived in next to me.

**10 minutes later**

Oh dear jelloid knickers. I know it's been a long time since I started dating Sven, but I'm still not after the fabby effects of foreign snogging. Yummy scrumboes.

**12:25am and 3 seconds**

Finally left the bushes and walked home with Sven. We passed Gee's house and hear a small scream, then saw her quietly placing a dead mouse on her doorstep. I never knew the kitties had to be fed at this time of night.

**6 minutes later**

I somehow managed to squeeze Sven through the door without making him yodel. A true accomplishment. Now if I can just get him into bed without waking the olds…

**5 seconds later**

Not a chance, he suddenly burst into a large Lets go down the disco session and started shouting "Oh jah! Oh jah!" It only took about 2 seconds for the 'rents to wake up and run downstairs.

"Rosemary Mees! What did I say about noise at night?" mum yelled over Sven's yodelling. I had no idea what she had said, I was snogging Sven at the time, so I just smiled and started to dance along with Sven.

**Sunday July 17th**

**Up at the crack of midday**

Well that really wasn't a wise move last night. Mum's banned me from seeing Sven and has sent him off to stay with one of her scary yoga friends. I really don't know why she tries.

**5 minutes later**

**At the park with the Ace Gang**

This has better be a good meeting. Sven and I had plans to practice fake respiration on each other in case someone chokes at our Viking wedding while the elderly insane are out shopping. I tell Georgia that and she just mutters something about no one having a sense of community and Sven being a part reindeer. I think the foreign boy snogging with Massimo has gone to her head.

**30 minutes later**

Just wasted a lot of my time listening to Georgia go on about her boy problems. Why can't she just find an exchange student that snogs like a god and settle down like me?

**5 minutes later**

After a few minutes of insane nodding we decided that Gee should just play it cool with the boys until she fully figures out the situation. Then Ellen started to dither on about something Dave had said. Georgia lost her temper at poor Ellen when she couldn't get the words out. I almost tutted but then I remembered how heavy Georgia is and how painful it is when she jumps on you.

**15 minutes later**

I suggested we send Sven undercover to find out Robbie's intentions, seeing as I recently bought him some new camouflage flares. Georgia just said no. Jools said we should try getting Dave the laugh to find out and Ellen practically had a joygasm and tried and make her way through another sentence. The main gist of what she said was that she could go with him and be his assistant. We decided that perhaps that wasn't such a great idea.

**10 seconds later**

Georgia and Jas are fighting again. Really, why can't they just get along? I might have to get out my beard to restore the peace and love in the gang.

**5 Minutes later**

Finally got back form the park and into the wonderfully hairy arms of my reindeer boyfriend.

**4:45pm**

Only got about 10 minutes of practice time before the olds came in and Sven had to make a daring escape. I think M and D got a bit suspicious when they saw the hole in my bedroom window.

**9 seconds later**

Oh dear I'm missing Sven so much.

What?

I must not turn into Jas and burst into tears every time I'm away from my dear hunky.

**10 minutes later**

Not that I call Sven hunky.

**2 minutes later**

Really. I don't

**1 minute later**

Ok maybe I do when we're alone.

**5 seconds later**

At least he doesn't call me Po.

**6:30pm**

There isn't anything to do around here without Sven. I must not fall asleep though, I am a strong woman who can stay awake past 6:30. I am a… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

**A little short, but i have a bit of homework to do :P. I'll start working on another chappie if people like it :)**

**bye bye groovsters xx**


	2. Do Not Question the Viking Beard

**Confessions of a Viking Madwoman **

**Chapter Two – ****Do Not question the Viking Beard**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything written here but the plot**

**Hello gentleladies**

**Thanks for the reviews, glad you enjoy the first chapter.**

**Hopefully this one will be just as good, or even better.**

**I'd like to thank .twilight for giving me my first review and being crazy about it :P**

**Peace out**

**SoBo**

**Sunday 17****th**

**7:30pm**

**Woken up by the phone ringing**

It's Georgia.

"RoRo?" she asked

I attempted to casually say "_oui_"

"How do you think our training for Jas and the Robbie fandango went?"

"Well it would have gone better if Jas had kissed my beard"

"I guess, but did you really have to plait it?"

"Yes."

"But it was distracting Jas's inner her"

"Do not question the way of the Viking beard, Georgia"

"but-"

"No buts, goodnight"

I hung up. That should teach her.

**5 seconds later**

I told mutti to tell anyone who calls that I'm out with Sven so I'm not distracted from my beauty sleep.

**4 minutes later**

Finally managed to sound-proof my room. Now if I can just get back to...

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

**Monday 18****th**** July**

**Break**

The gang is all sitting around chewing their food. I got some chuddie and blew a big bubble. It exploded all over my nose.

Oh how I laughed. Not.

**5 Seconds later**

The blob is hanging off my nose, so I'm going to improvise with a bit of disco dancing to make it look slightly normal.

**2 Seconds later**

Georgia started humming the tune of _Eastenders _and I swung the blob around and around in time to it and even did a bit of bouncing. It's double cool with knobs if I do say so myself.

**5 minutes later**

I am truly a genius; the Snot Disco has been born from my exploding gum. We are going to see if Her Kamyer will notice if we do it during German.

**German**

Georgia put up her hand and asked a question about the Koch family's tiny poo on a plate in one of the pictures. When Her Kamyer asked her to bring the picture up to the front she expertly fake sneezed and attached her bubble gum bogey. And now we wait.

**5 Seconds later**

He didn't even notice, he was so interested in describing _spangleferkel._

**1 minute later**

Oh my, Her Kamyer has started singing German campfire songs.

**20 minutes later**

Passed a note to the Ace gang explaining a point system for the bogeys. I truly am the Albert Einstein of today.

**4 seconds later**

Except I'm, you know, a girl.

**2 seconds later**

And I don't have the scary haircut and big nose.

**3 seconds later**

But if I got the chance I'd definitely have his moustache.

**Going to French**

Ellen and Jas have eschewed the snot disco with a firm hand and are living in their own snot-free world. Silly chicklets.

**French**

Decided to earn some points in the Bogey System. I dangled my bubble gum bogey over Madame Slack's head as she checked my homework.

**1 minute later**

Oh what larks. Madame Slack looked up at me and the bogey almost hit her in the eye. I casually put the chuddie in my mouth and began chewing it.

**5 Seconds later**

A detention! Why in the name of all things fake and dangly do no teachers know how to take a joke?

**4:10pm**

**In detention**

Saw the Ace Gang walking past the oval and pressed my face up against the window. I mouthed "I love you all!" to them and then went back to my duties as a detainee.

**5:30pm**

**Finally released**

I leapt out of the school gates singing "the hills are alive with the sound of PANTS!" but there wasn't anyone interesting around to hear it.

**3 seconds later**

Dave suddenly popped out from one of the bushes near the school.

"Rosie!" he said, sounding a little surprised.

Why is he surprised? He's the one that just appeared from a shrubbery in front of me.

"Dave!" I said just to keep the surprised mood going.

"Hey can you pass on a message to Georgia for me?"

"Why of course pally."

"Can you please tell her that…:"

I saw Angus stalking an old man and got distracted.

**2 minutes later**

"Hello? Rosie? So can you tell her?" Dave waved a hand in front of my face

"Sure thing Davey."

"Cool. S'laters" he said and jogged off into the park.

Wait. What did he just say?

**Wow kind of cliff hanger there. Can't say I'm all that great at writing them though :P**

**Hope you enjoyed it.**

**S'laters, remember I only do it because I love you (not in a lezzie way or anything).**


	3. Return of the Reindeer

**Confessions of a Viking Madwoman **

**Chapter Three – Return of the Reindeer**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything written here but the plot**

**Hey guys and girls!**

**I've been very busy this past week but made sure I put aside a couple of hours to write this chapter, because I luurve you all so much (in a strictly non-lezzie way)**

**6:00pm**

**Lying in my bed of confuzzlement**

What was it that Dave said?

**1 second later**

Maybe I could just make something up and tell Gee that?

**2 minutes later**

Yes. That's what I'll do.

**5 minutes later**

Oh dear, Sven is climbing back through his window hole.

**2 minutes later**

Yes yes and thrice yesss! My dearest mutti has allowed Sven to come back and stay with us! I'm sure her yoga friend is very happy about that.

**6:30pm**

My geniosity has struck once again!

I have made up a new song called "Return of the Reindeer". I think I shall go sing it to my lovely parents.

**7:00pm**

Vati says my song is poisoning his ears.

Surely it doesn't sound THAT similar to _High School Musical_?

**5 minutes later**

At least I have Sven back to keep me entertained.

We're going to go practice our Viking wedding dance.

Viking madwoman signing out

**Tuesday ****19****th**** July**

**Torture Chambers (school)**

Oh dear Georgia looks as if her face has been run over by a steamroller.

Look at the size of her nose, I think I should recommend Sven's plastic surgeon to her.

**20 minutes later**

**Assembly**

If Slim gets any more jelloid I think we will have to put her on a plate.

**2 minutes later**

Oh no. We're going on a field trip. A camping field trip.

I think Slim must have heard my thoughts just before and decided to punish us all for them.

**1 second later**

The whole of the Ace Gang is doing that whole staring and nodding thing again. What fun.

**5 seconds later**

Slim is now raving on about how Her Kamyer came up with this field trip idea after we "took an interest" in his old German camping trips.

We are truly feeling the consequence of the bubble gum bogeys now.

**4 minutes later**

Lindsay is really a never ending source of entertainment. I pretended to faint after Slim finished explaining our field trip and Lindsay just slimed over and told me to get up. I asked if she was Gabriel the angel and she got very angry. When she threatened me with another after school detention I decided it wasn't worth taking it nay further so I sat up quickly.

**Break **

I told Her Kamyer that I would be getting my period when we were on the camping trip to see if his head would fall off. But he just told me to go discuss it with Miss Wilson. I just left it because, really, I do not want to know what Miss Wilson does when she gets her period.

**2 minutes later**

**Trying to think up ways to get out of camping**

We've decided that we should dig a hole and all fall into it so that we don't' have to go.

It was Georgia's idea. Perhaps I should get her some furry shorts to celebrate her insanity.

**5 minutes later**

Really, will Jas and Georgia ever get along?

It was quite funny watching Jas get a Chinese burn though.

**4:20pm**

**Escaping from Stalag 14**

We gave Georgia a Klingon salute as she ran off home

**2 minutes later**

**Walking home with the Ace Gang**

We were discussing the camping fandango when Jools suddenly turned to me and said

"I saw you talking to Dave yesterday when you got out of detention"

"What were you doing around school at that insane time of the day?" I quickly responded.

"I was going to the park to meet Rollo. Why were you talking to him?"

"He was asking me to deliver a message to Georgia, if you must know" I continued walking.

"Oh what was it?"

"Well, um, it, was, er" THIS IS NOT A TIME FOR ELLEN-ITIS BRAIN! "He told me to tell her that he, erm, wanted her to pick up his socks from the dry cleaner."

The gang just stared at me, then nodded and kept walking.

Do they really believe Dave is odd enough to say that?

**5:00pm**

**Lying in bed with Sven**

He really is a marvelous snogger. I hope that mutti does not walk in right now or she will make Sven climb out the window again

**6 minutes later**

Huzzah! Mother dearest has allowed Sven and I to go shopping today!

He's due for a new pair of flares anyway.

**5:30pm**

**Shopping with Sven**

_Wunderbar_ (as those fantastic Germans say), we have found 5 pairs of polka dot flares. They should be perfect for keeping Sven fashionable while I'm on the camping trip.

**2 minutes later**

They have new styles of furry shorts in!

I think I have some room in my wardrobe for a few pairs of fluro furry shorts…

**5 minutes later**

**At the checkout**

Cannot wait to scare the Ace Gang with these new clothing items.

They'd be excellent for wearing in our Viking Disco Inferno dance.

Well, I'm going to go practice some more Viking high-kicks.

RoRo the Great is off for the night.

**Ok I had no idea how to end this chapter sorry. People wanted me to make it longer (which I attempted at, as you can hopefully see :P) so I tried adding in a lot of random things that came into my head. I hope you enjoyed it, the next chapter should be up sometime in the next week.**

**Horns all around,**

**SoBo xx**

**P.S. Yes Georgia, that High School Musical reference is off my top that we destroyed all those weeks ago… :P**


	4. My Penguin Is Calling

**Confessions of a Viking Madwoman **

**Chapter Four – My Penguin Is Calling**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything written here but the plot**

**Hello dearest readers!**

**Thank you for the loverly reviews! Sorry I have been very lazy lately and haven't updated in a while, but I have become addicted to playing an online game (I'm so nerdy) and watching Daria recently.**

**However I am now free from school now and should be able to update more often, plus I am beginning to brainstorm for a new fanfic which currently only my wonderful friend Georgia knows about because I got an idea from her profile and told her about it :P**

**I'll be quiet now.**

**Ttfn, SoBo **

**Wednesday 20****th**** July**

**Assembly**

Slim will not shut up about that Skeleton in Mr Attwood's hut fiasco. Luckily our most favourite PANTS hymn is coming up next, which of course means loud singing for all of Hawkeye's many hidden ears to hear!

**30 minutes later**

**Walking out of assembly**

What an excellent morning this has turned out to be.

Elvis Attwood just tripped over his mop and then began to duff it up for humiliating him. I think I heard him mumble something about wanting to look normal in front of Miss Stamp.

What in fresh hell?

**Blodge**

Miss Wilson is our sub for the day, hurrah!

I think I'll try and make her have a spaz attack, that's always fun.

**2 minutes later**

Excellent, she is trying to turn on the TV.

I'll ask her if she'll be showing us Gladiator.

**5 seconds later**

Miss Wilson was about to tell us what it was when I stopped her to say that Miss Finnigan always lets us watch Gladiator on Wednesdays as it is perfect for practicing our Viking Bison Dance.

Now she's looking very confused and trying to fix her bob. Honestly she's as bad as Jas and her fringe.

**1 minute later**

Apparently we have to watch a movie that's relevant to Biology, but I don't se how Gladiator isn't perfect then.

At least Jools has used her expert pyromaniac mind to amuse us.

**5 minutes later**

Miss Wilson looked very red so I've decided to help her plug things in, now if I can just "accidentally" turn on the fan and blow Miss Wilson's hair off…

**2 minutes later**

So close, she managed to grab her bob before it flew off to the land of hair.

**1 hour later**

Yesssssss! Escape from whatever movie that was we were watching!

Something about bees and their mothers, no doubt.

**English**

It is rather hilarious watching Miss Wilson get all excited about the camping trip.

She's shaking all over the place. Please tell me that she isn't turning into Slim.

**French**

I am so full of geniosity that I have decided to send Georgia a French joke.

I asked her what you call a French man in sandals.

She just sent back a note saying _I don't care_ and looked at me like my second head had grown back.

Eventually she gave in and I sent her the answer.

_Philippe philoppe_

I think she's very close to hurting me.

**4:15pm**

**Walking home**

We were casually being stalked by Mark and his annoying little boy friends when Dave just came out of nowhere.

He was acting like he thought he was some rapper. Which is quite possibly the scariest thing that I have ever seen.

**4 seconds later**

He's already flirting with Georgia.

He really has no shame, the poor man.

**2 minutes later**

Can't take this anymore.

I said "pardon my French but au revoir" and ran off down my street.

It's hard work being me.

**6:30pm**

**Sitting in my room with Sven**

I think Sven and I are having a 'moment'.

oo-er.

I said "Sven I've been thinking a lot about Christmas lately"

Sven said "_Oh Jah,_ Rosie? But is July, _jaaaahh_?"

"Well, err, yes, but you know there's the whole, um, Christmas in July stuff."

"_jahhhhhh, _I see." Oh dear he actually sounds interested.

"Do you think that would be a god idea for a party?"

"I think snogging be a good idea _jah_? _Oh jah!_"

Then he jumped on me.

**7pm**

**Phone's ringing**

Vati dearest is yelling at me to pick it up.

I guess I will.

**30 seconds later**

Picked up the phone

"Guter tag. Rosie the great speaking."

"Rosie what is all this I've heard about you talking to Dave" oh no it's Georgia.

"Err, well, uh, you see…"

"Rosie I will need Ellen back by tomorrow morning."

"Hahahahahahaha Georgia you're really funny. Now I must dash, my penguin is calling."

I hung the phone as quick as two short quick things.

**2 minutes later**

I really should ask Dave about that conversation the other day.

Or erase everyone's memory of it…

**Sorry about the crappy quality and shortness of this chapter.**

**I hope you enjoyed the Sven part as much as I did writing it, although I can't say I had any idea what he would say in those types of situations.**

**I'm hoping to go a little off the main plot of LIAMTT and develop the whole Dave and Rosie conversation idea. That is if I don't get so stuck for ideas that I have to resort to penguins and French again :P**

**Bye bye and remember I love you (in a non-lezzie way, of course)**


	5. That Darn Authors Note

**Hello!**

**Sorry, no new chapters here today. I'm not feeling very inspired right now ****but**** I'm working on new ideas and planning on going a bit off the main plot to focus on little things like Sven and maybe how Rosie sees Georgia and the rest of the Ace Gang. However if any of you fantabulous readers have ideas or suggestions for what you would like to happen then feel free send them to me, I need all the help I can get.**

**In the mean time I'm going to try working on a Sven fanfiction and try and get the first chapter of it up before i go away tomorrow. Though that somehow seems unlikely…**

**I have a oneshot written down somewhere but it's only 90 words or so :P I may post it if I can find it.**

**I leave you now with an idea I have for the next chapter so that you won't hate me too much :)**

_**5 minutes later**_

_**Wondering around the streets**_

_I saw Dave standing near Gee's house and walked over to him._

"_Howdy Dave! What's going on?" I asked in an attempt to sound cheery, despite my traumatic experience earlier._

"_Look, Rosie, I don't want to talk about it. Please just go away." Dave said firmly._

_I noticed his eyes were red from crying._

_Oh no._

"_Dave, are you ok?"_

"_Just go away!" he stormed off down the street._

_What in Big G's knickers?_

**Hope you enjoyed that :P**

**Remember that I luuurve you all (though not in a lezz****ie way)**

**SoBo xx**


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